A Letter To Donor Families

Dear Donor Family,

I am writing to you today to express my sincere condolences for your loss.

You may already be coming to the realization that the end is inevitable, or perhaps you have yet to go through the tragedy that will ultimately lead you to a decision that will change your life forever – the decision to donate your loved one’s organs and tissues.

My name is Alyshia and I, too, am a donor family member. My Dad, Malcolm Higgins, was in a single-vehicle car accident in 2010 and sustained a critical brain injury. His eldest child at 24 years old at the time, I was appointed his substitute decision maker. The moment I received the phone call that he’d been in an accident, I knew my life would change forever.

When my three younger siblings and I learned my Dad would never awake from his injury, we chose to withdraw life support. He was six months shy of his 50^th birthday.

I remember the day so vividly: the fear, the heartbreak and the devastation were overwhelming. I also remember another feeling: comfort. My Dad met the criteria for organ donation. Through his gift, one man received a double-lung transplant; two men each received a kidney, freeing them from the rigorous routine of dialysis; and two more received the gift of sight through his corneas.

It gave us comfort to know that although we couldn’t save him, five other families would be touched by his selflessness.

You may be surprised to know that today, right this minute, there are more than 1,400 people waiting for a life-saving organ transplant in Ontario. To so many of us, this number is not just a statistic; it represents our friends, siblings, cousins, children, and parents who are all desperately waiting for the gift of life. They are people like 14-year-old Kayla.

Kayla Baker

This vivacious young woman is waiting for a double-lung transplant and she’s no stranger to courage.

As a youngster, she battled leukemia and survived, but her struggle is not over. Several years ago, she was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis – a condition that causes lungs to harden overtime and eventually, stop functioning. The only cure for this disease is transplant. April 1 will mark two years since she was placed on the transplant wait list. Because Kayla is so small, her gift of life will likely need to come from another child.

There are no words to describe parents who lose their children because it’s just not supposed to happen. Tragically, it does and all too often. My Dad’s father – my grandfather – sadly experienced this. He was devastated to outlive one of his children, but was immensely proud of the legacy his only son was leaving behind.  

I can’t even begin to imagine the pain, the anger and the devastation of losing a child because I am not a mother.What I can tell you is how it feels to have a family member who is a hero.

When we were told my Dad’s grave prognosis, I desperately wanted to do something – anything – to make everything better, but the reality was he could no longer be helped. It broke my heart to think of all of the things he was going to miss out on.

He wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I will never have a memory of him beaming with pride and kissing me on the cheek as his little girl one last time. He’ll miss the grandchildren my siblings and I will eventually have and there will never be another Christmas where we’ll sit down as a family and reminisce. Our memories are now all we have.  

For three other families whose fathers, brothers, husbands and friends were saved because of my Dad, they will have these things for many years to come. In fact, I know through correspondence with my Dad’s double-lung recipient that he was able to proudly walk his daughter down the aisle without an oxygen tank in tow and visited his family out west for the first time in 10 years.

Making the choice to donate is not a difficult one, but one made during the most difficult of times and I know this firsthand. Donating your loved one’s organs and tissues will never take away the pain of losing them, but it can provide you with some solace in your time of overwhelming grief.

One single donor can potentially save up to eight lives through organ donation and enhance 75 more through their tissues. Imagine sparing other families like Kayla’s from losing their precious child, allowing them to see another birthday, another Christmas, even just another day.

For those waiting, time is running out and Kayla is no exception. She is currently in hospital and her lung function is rapidly deteriorating. If she doesn’t get a transplant soon, she will inevitably die. There are more than 1,400 other people just like her who are waiting for that call.

I respectfully ask that in your time of grief you consider the life-changing and life-saving gift organ and tissue donation can have.

Your choice will not only impact the immediate future of your loved one’s recipients, but will create an eternal legacy. 

Please, register your consent at beadonor.ca, talk to your family and speak to your loved one’s healthcare team. The decision you make will change lives forever - including your own.

With sincere gratitude,

A Proud Donor Daughter